Convention

John took the railway, I and Gareth drove.
Our rendezvous was in the hotel bar.
We'd travelled down to sell our fanzine trove
With hard-sell tactics: lollies bought from Spar.
We hustled 'zines like madmen in a frenzy
To shambling menks and cider-sozzled slags.
Stared blankly at a beauty from Firenze
Then raced to find her all our plastic bags.
Took money from the richer fandom fellers,
Addresses from the prettier fandom babes:
We love to strut our stuff as fanzine sellers;
We spend your cash on drink and drugs and raves.

Why us?  Why fanzines?  Have some mercy, God - 
And tell us, where was Jones, the lazy sod?

5th October 1997