Fit 1: 1992
When Jon Pertwee dies
I'll sit down and cry
My every belief will be shattered.
He fought rough and tough.
I loved the old puff.
He always was there when it mattered.
A smile on his lips
Each Saturday night.
With his hands on his hips
He blocked out the light.
He died with the kiss
Of a spider's cruel bite.
When Jon Pertwee's dead
I'll go home to bed
And think of him chatting to Elvis.
In heaven above
The home of God's love
There will be a huge gestalt pelvis.
I've prattled to priests.
I've nattered with nuns.
Hartnell and Troughton
Were simply dry runs.
I'm waiting for Pertwee.
The day surely comes.
Quand Perthuis est mort
Unless I am caught
I'll steal in and bottle his brains.
A straw up the nose
And out it all goes.
Clean and clinical bar a few stains.
I'll not let the grass grow
When Jon joins Delgado.
He'll not long rest six feet below.
I'll excavate Jon
Before he's long gone
And raise him again as an animatron.
When lightning strikes twice
My dream will come true.
A pleasanter thing couldn't happen to you.
From dawn until dusk
I'll bask in the glory
And Jon will enact his Cyberman story.
If I had a fetish it would not be sex
The night of the soul is where I draw breath.
I oftener dream of a gun than a dress.
All life is a role: Jon Pertwee, meet Death!
---
Fit 2: 1996
Jon Pertwee's not dead!
You heard what I said.
Our hero is just in a coma.
Though he lies on the slab
He'll get back to his lab
And he's faking that noxious aroma.
His hearts have stopped beating
But there's no defeating
"The man of a thousand voices".
Let Decomposition
be met with derision:
Put your ear to his coffin for noises.
Jon Pertwee's alive!
He'll continue to thrive.
His place can be taken by no man.
How can Worzel be dead?
Stuff more straw in his head!
Call UNIT and search for the Crowman.
